Divorce Advice For Families With Young Children
What might make it easier for the children?
There are many children whose parents have been through many divorce advice programs, as well as many others who have always been in a one-parent family. The fact that this is now a common situation makes it easier for the children whose parents are divorcing to accept it. School friends whose parents may also have divorced can also be a help in coming to terms with the breakup. Teachers too may be a resource, and it is always useful for the class teacher to be informed of the split, so that the child can be given support in school and also help to monitor the effects of divorce on children in the class. Grandparents will often wish to help with childcare, as well as being someone the child can confide in.
What to do about it
The first priority is to tell the children what is happening. What you tell them will vary according to how old they are. If they are very young, it would be best to make it very simple, but always to bear in mind the risk that they may take it personally and think that they are somehow at fault. With the younger children the message will have to be repeated, perhaps many times, to ensure that they have absorbed it. If they are older, then they should be given more details about what is happening, and in an ideal world it would be better if they heard it from both parents together. This may not be possible, however, if the two parents can’t cooperate to this extent, and the next best arrangement is for both of you to speak to them separately, but having a prior discussion and then saying more or less the same thing. It is essential that your children are not blamed for the split, and that they are reassured that you both love them and wish to care for them.
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